Finding yourself

Identity. Self-definition. Who are you?

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” — Romans 12:2.

Still about the feeling of being stuck!!!

As you yearn to evolve, the dilema is not knowing what you are evolving out of to what you are becoming. From our earlier discussions, you are in dilema as to whether you are a caterpillar wishing to become a butterfly, you wonder whether you are in the pit or potiopher's house. And this dilema can keep your journey of evolving more streneous, and therefore, today I want to invite you to a journey of self discovery, self definition, finding you....IDENTITY!!!

Do you know what you are evolving out of—and, more importantly, who you are becoming?

The journey of evolution begins with a very important question:

Who are am I?

Not who am I as someone's wife.
Not who am I as someone's mother.
Not who am I according to my qualifications, my career, my family, my social standing or my accomplishments.

But who am I beneath all of these things?

Welcome to another step in the journey of the Reigning Woman—the journey of finding yourself.

Identity: The Woman Beneath the Titles

If someone asked you today, “Woman, who are you?”, what would your answer be?

For many of us, the answer comes very quickly:

“I am Mrs. So-and-so.”
“I am a mother of three.”
“I am a lawyer.”
“I work for this organization.”
“I am someone's daughter.”
“I am someone's sister.”

There is nothing wrong with any of these identities.

They are beautiful parts of our lives.

But they are parts of us, not the entirety of us.

These are roles, relationships, accomplishments and titles that have been added to our lives from the outside. They complement who we are, but they were never meant to completely define who we are.

And sometimes, without realizing it, we allow the compliments of our lives to become the definition of our lives.

That is where we begin to lose ourselves.

When the Outside Becomes the Definition

Every external role comes with expectations.

Being a wife comes with expectations.
Being a mother comes with expectations.
Being a professional comes with expectations.
Being a daughter comes with expectations.
Being a leader comes with expectations.

And these expectations can quietly create boundaries around us—telling us what we should do, where we should go, what we should accept, what we should refuse and even who we are allowed to become.

The danger is not in having these roles.

The danger is allowing the role to become the whole woman.

A woman can become so occupied with being everything to everyone that she eventually has no idea who she is to herself.

She knows what everyone needs from her, but does she know what she needs?

She knows what makes everyone else happy, but does she know what makes her come alive?

She knows her responsibilities, but does she know her identity?

You Are More Than What You Wear

Think about a woman standing in front of her wardrobe.

Today she may wear a professional suit. Tomorrow, a dress to attend a family function. On another day, an apron in the kitchen. On another, something comfortable for a journey.

The clothes change depending on where she is going.

But the woman inside the clothes remains the same.

Your roles are like those garments.

Wife.
Mother.
Professional.
Leader.
Daughter.
Friend.

They are beautiful garments that you wear in different seasons and spaces of your life.

But you are not the garment.

And when you mistake the garment for the woman, you begin to believe that removing one role means losing yourself.

It doesn't.

Sometimes, evolution requires us to change the garment while preserving the woman underneath it.

Finding the Woman Within

So, who are you?

Perhaps this weekend, instead of rushing to answer that question with your titles, sit quietly with yourself.

Ask yourself:

What makes me come alive?

What activities make you lose track of time?

What turns my light off?

What environments, relationships or patterns consistently leave you drained?

What edifies me?

What conversations, experiences and people strengthen something beautiful within you?

Where can I give my energy without constantly feeling frustrated?

What comes naturally to you?

What would I willingly do even if nobody paid me to do it?

What do you love deeply enough to pursue beyond applause and reward?

What would I do with myself if, for a moment, I found myself alone in the world with no titles to introduce me?

These questions are not designed to make you abandon your responsibilities.

They are designed to help you meet yourself again.

Look Within Before You Look Around

Think about a business conducting a SWOT analysis.

Before a business can effectively respond to opportunities and threats in its external environment, it first needs to understand what is happening internally.

What are its strengths?

What are its weaknesses?

What does it possess?

What needs to be developed?

Because when the internal foundation is understood, the organization can engage the external environment from a position of clarity.

The same is true for a woman.

You cannot effectively regulate your external world when you have never taken time to understand your internal world.

You need to know your strengths.

You need to acknowledge your weaknesses.

You need to understand your values.

You need to recognize your needs.

You need to identify what gives you life and what consistently diminishes you.

Self-definition begins with inward reflection.

It is from there that you can begin to set healthy boundaries, redefine relationships, make intentional choices and decide what deserves your energy.

Don't Let the External World Define Your Evolution

The external world can be selfish, it will often define you according to what works for it.

People may love you for the role you play in their lives.

Your family may need you to be a mother.

Your spouse may need you to be a wife.

Your employer may need you to be a professional.

Your community may need you to be a leader.

All these needs are real.

But their needs should not erase your identity.

You don't have to abandon the external roles.

You have to bring them into alignment with the woman you are discovering within.

For example, being a wife may mean that your life looks different from when you were single. Perhaps you cannot go out whenever you want or spend every weekend exactly as you used to.

But if connection, friendship and social interaction are part of who you are, don't bury that part of yourself.

Refine it.

Choose the places.
Choose the people.
Choose the times.
Create a rhythm that honours both your marriage and the woman within you.

Being a mother may mean that you cannot travel with the same frequency you did before having children.

But if exploration and travel are part of what makes you come alive, motherhood does not have to become the prison in which that part of you dies.

Recreate the rhythm.

Plan differently.

Travel differently.

Include your children when appropriate.

Find ways to honour the woman within while faithfully embracing the mother you have become.

This is not selfishness.

This is integration.

It is allowing the external roles of your life to fall into rhythm with the internal woman you are becoming.

You Are Not Stuck. You Are Being Called Inward.

Perhaps you have been saying:

"I feel stuck."

But maybe you are not stuck.

Maybe there is a part of you that has been asking to be discovered.

Maybe the frustration is coming because the woman within you has been buried underneath years of expectations, responsibilities, approval-seeking and definitions that came from outside.

Maybe what you need is not permission to become someone else.

Maybe what you need is permission to discover yourself.

And here is the beautiful thing:

You already have that permission.

You don't have to wait for someone to tell you that you are allowed to find yourself.

You don't have to wait until everyone understands.

You don't have to wait until life becomes perfectly convenient.

Self-discovery is not an event.

It is a journey.

A beautiful, sometimes uncomfortable, but deeply rewarding journey.

The Reigning Woman Knows Herself

Psalm 139:14 reminds us:

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”

There is something powerful about knowing that you were not accidentally assembled.

There is something powerful about understanding that there is something uniquely placed within you—your personality, your passions, your gifts, your convictions, your creativity, your way of seeing the world.

The goal is not to become someone else.

The goal is to become more fully yourself.

The Reigning Woman is not the woman who has escaped every responsibility.

She is the woman who has learned to carry her responsibilities without losing herself in them.

She knows that she can be a wife and still be herself.

A mother and still be herself.

A professional and still be herself.

A daughter and still be herself.

A leader and still be herself.

The titles may change.

The seasons may change.

The garments may change.

But she remains connected to the woman within.

So, Woman, Who Are You?

This weekend, give yourself the gift of quiet reflection.

Put aside the titles for a moment.

Put aside what everyone expects of you.

Put aside the question of what you should be.

And ask:

Who am I?

What makes me come alive?

What do I value?

What are my strengths?

What are my weaknesses?

What do I need to let go of?

What do I need to rediscover?

What deserves my energy?

What boundaries do I need to establish?

What relationships need to be redefined?

What dreams have I buried beneath the responsibilities of life?

And perhaps most importantly:

What kind of woman am I becoming?

Because evolution is not simply about becoming something new.

Sometimes, evolution is about uncovering what was already there.

The woman within you has been there all along.

It is time to find her.

It is time to define her.

It is time to honour her.

And as you discover her, allow everything around you—not to dictate who she should be—but to fall into rhythm with who she truly is.

Woman, you are not stuck.

You are on a journey of becoming.

And this is your invitation to begin again—with yourself.

Find yourself. Define yourself. Become her.

The Reigning Woman is emerging.

You don't need to take the journey alone, reachout and we shall surely hold your hand.

Sumpie