The Reigning Woman

Do I Need Permission to Evolve?

Sometimes what we call being stuck is the tension between who we have been and the woman within us asking to become.

It’s Friday....…yay...

The weekend is finally here. There was a time when Friday came with excitement. You could almost break into your own “Thank God it’s Friday!”celebration. But these days, the Fridays feel different. Yes, the releif from reports, deadlines and meetings is undeniable; but as you think about the weekend, you cannot help the creeping mental list of your other life responsibilities;

• The househelp who threatened to leave at the end of the month.
• The pending conversation that you desperately want to have with your spouse- but you already fear you will not be heard. You think, perhaps, you will keep quiet...again...and hope they will come around next month.
• Your toddler, who is waiting for quality time with Mummy after a week of seeing you disappear before sunrise and return after bedtime.
• Your ageing parents, who are hoping you will visit on Sunday.
• Your neighbour who is waiting for you ready with the week’s street jazz.
• There is another church contribution.
• You think about taking the family out for a meal, now that holidays are here, the kids could use the treat....Nah... not now...maybe someother time, the monthly spreadsheet has no budget line for it now...

You go through your thoughts, looking for that former excitment for the weekend, and you cannot find any of it. You feel you are different; You notice it in little things;

• A joke that once would have had you laughing loudly now irritates you.
• A comment, that wouldn't have bothered you before, but now it evokes so much anger and hurt in you.
• You cry over little things.
• Crowds exhaust you. Sometimes all you want is to be alone. No questions. No expectations. Nobody needing anything.

Just silence.

Your emotions resemble the troubled waters on the Sea of Galilee—calm one moment, waves everywhere the next. And somewhere between work and home, you finally find a word for it:

Stuck.

All you keep saying to yourself is I feel stuck!! 

But what if you are not entirely stuck?

What If Something Within You Is Asking to Evolve?

What if some of the discomfort comes from trying to fit into a version of yourself that you are beginning to outgrow? Not every difficult season means you need to turn your life upside down. Sometimes you need rest. Sometimes you need help, healing, a difficult conversation or professional support.

But sometimes, your spirit recognizes that a season is shifting before your mind has found the courage to acknowledge it. You know something needs to change, but you worry about what your change will mean for everyone else;

What if my husband doesn't understand the new me?

What if my friends think I have changed?

What if my family doesn't accept my new boundaries?

What if I pursue that dream and fail?

So you wait with the hope;

Maybe when they change, you will change.

Maybe when the children are older.

Maybe when the finances improve.

Maybe next year.

And beneath all those maybes sits one uncomfortable question:

Do I Need Permission to Evolve?

Perhaps you have been remaining familiar so everyone else can remain comfortable. And perhaps the permission you have been waiting for is your own. All that discomfort hasn't been to waste in your life. circumstances are an invitation for you to evolve, you already have the permission.

I think about Joseph.

The young Joseph of Genesis 37 had an extraordinary dream, but the boy who received the dream was not yet the man capable of governing Egypt. Between the dream and the palace came a pit, Potiphar’s house and a prison.

The pit disrupted him.

His coat, his father’s protection, his home and everything familiar disappeared. The dream remained, but Joseph's idea of how it would happen was shattered.

Potiphar’s house disciplined him.

Joseph learned stewardship, responsibility and integrity. He had dreamed about leadership; now he had to learn how to manage somebody else's resources faithfully.

The prison deepened him.

He learned to serve where nobody important seemed to be watching. He noticed other people's pain. He exercised his gift by interpreting prisoners' dreams long before that gift brought him before Pharaoh. 

And then he waited ; For two more years. Perhaps Joseph could have called that season stuck. Yet while Joseph waited for his circumstances to change, Joseph himself was changing.

By the time he stood before Pharaoh in Genesis 41, he could do much more than interpret a dream. He could strategize, plan, steward resources and lead a nation through crisis.

The dream had not necessarily changed.

The pit disrupted him. Potiphar's house disciplined him.The prison deepened him. The palace revealed who he had become.

So where are you now? Is it in the pit, potipher's house or the prison? Its not a destination, it's not the end. You are in transit, keep moving. You have permission to move. Take off the coat of many colours, brave yourself in that Egptian slave traders' caravan, don't look behind. As you move, rephrase the questions you had before from;

“God, when will You change this?”

Instead ask,

“God, what is this season inviting me to learn, release or become?”

What if instead of only asking:

When will I get another job?

you instead ask:

What capacity can I build while I am here?

Instead of:

When will I have more money?

ask:

What kind of steward am I becoming with what is already in my hands?

Instead of:

When will somebody finally notice me?

ask:

What gift can I develop even when nobody seems to be watching?

And instead of:

Why is this taking so long?

perhaps ask:

What is waiting developing in me that instant answers never could?

This doesn't mean remaining indefinitely in harmful circumstances and calling suffering “God's process.”

Sometimes evolving means leaving, speaking up, asking for help, resting, setting a boundary.

And sometimes it means staying for a season—but staying differently: learning, preparing, healing and becoming.

Maybe You Don't Need the Whole Picture

You may not yet know exactly what you are becoming. That's okay, a caterpillar doesn't need to understand flight before entering the process that will give it wings. It just yields to the different stages of it's life cycle.Being a caterpillar is beautiful, but become a butterfly is more liberating.

There was nothing necessarily wrong with the woman you were.

She has survived things. She has worked tirelessly. She has raised children. She has prayed. She has sacrificed. She has carried people.

Honour her.

But perhaps she has brought you as far as she can. Maybe your next season requires another version of you.

So take the course, have the conversation, start saving, seek counselling, write the proposal, set the boundary,return to intentional prayer, ask for help, rest without guilt, say yes; Or, perhaps for the first time, say no.

You don't need courage for the entire journey today.

You only need courage for the next faithful step.

This Weekend, Ask Yourself…

Before Monday comes and the reports begin again, find a quiet place and sit with these questions:

Where in my life do I feel most stuck?

What if part of this feeling is actually an invitation to evolve?

What is this season developing in me?

What can I pick from this season that I may need in the next one?

Whose permission am I waiting for?

And finally:

What is one step I can take towards the woman I am becoming?

Maybe you are not as stuck as you think. Maybe there is a woman inside you who has reached the end of one version of herself and is quietly asking:

“May I become?”

Perhaps this weekend, your answer can finally be:

“Yes. You have my permission.”

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If this reflection sounds like the season you are navigating, you don't have to figure it all out alone.

Join the Blessed Reign community as we have honest conversations about faith, emotional wholeness, financial stewardship and purpose—and encourage one another to take the next faithful step.

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And if one woman came to mind while you were reading this, share this article with her. Perhaps she too needs permission to become.

Sumpie